


the adults are talking

by heroinchic



Category: Trainspotting (Movies)
Genre: M/M, a little bit angsty, mark's wife is mentioned but only for the plot, mentions of depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:22:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24496408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heroinchic/pseuds/heroinchic
Summary: ''and by the way, i would be a fucking disaster if you and I divorced…i mean if we ever got married... a completely hypothetic situation its what im sayin''-simon said.Mark returns to Amsterdam to finally sign his divorce papers and doesn't feel as good as he tought it would, lucky for him, Simon is there through a videocall.
Relationships: Mark "Rent Boy" Renton/Simon "Sick Boy" Williamson
Comments: 6
Kudos: 26





	the adults are talking

-but how do you feel? -simon asked.

mark looked at the screen on his laptop with a frown, simon asking how he felt was weird. not because they haven’t been talking or anything but because instead of throwing a careless or sassy comment like he always did when they were talking about him finally signing his divorce papers, he was asking a total normal question.

sometimes Mark forgot he wasn’t the only one who had grown, everyone had, Spud, Diane, him. they did it in different ways and they would always have something from his young selves. but things have changed forever.

-mark? ye listening?- the blonde’s voice took him out of his thoughts and focused his look on the screen again.

-yeh, and dunno. i feel weird. off. i guess, dunno. i was expecting to feel a relief but I guess it made me felt guilty seeing her so happy, it should me make me happy rite? for her to be okay with us being over because also wanted it to be over, but it’s weird. was really so bad to be with me for fucks sake?

simon kept eating from the bag of chips he had, raising his eyebrows when mark asked the last.

-told ye to be better thad she sended the papers over e-mail and you sending them back signed, no need tae see her. she wanted u there for making a victory dance- he said, voice muffled from the food on his mouth.

-she said she wanted a proper closure i didn’t-

-a proper closure it’s just having drunk sex Rents, not inviting you a coffee to talk about how amazing is her fookin boring life without ya, shes a cunt for doing so in my must humble opinion- he interrupted, Mark scoffed and rubbed his face, clearly tired and stressed out.

-wow, where is the Simon that kept sayin’ ‘’poor woman having to be married with ye for ten years, ten fucking years Mark, with ye unbearable being’’ i even started to think that ye were in love with her.

-don’t be stupid, i simply delight myself on bothering you. and i just saw that photo of her u showed me n spud one time, shes not very pretty, good taste in clothes or maybe that’s the only time she dressed good, amazing hair but terrible personality- said bluntly.

-how can u know about her personality you fucker? you never had a single conversation with her

-its just a quick guess. some people can be very predictable and she’s one of those people. it’s a free thinker or so she believes, she probably shares things on her facebook about blacks and gays lives but only if there’s not rioting involved, because, oh good lord! we are not barbarians anymore! rioting is not the way!- he mimicked a high-pitched voice- she thinks that feminism it’s just for woman who aren’t married, she has brunch with her friends every thursday and a collection of books she’s never gonna read, shes not religious we can give her some credit for that at least. she doesn’t have political opinions and probably got mad at you when you started to talk about the fucking Brexit on friends gatherings, and thinks shes this reckless wild spirit just because she smokes weed once in a while.

mark was laughing, delighted and surprised. simon was right, he probably stalked her on facebook but everything else was true. she had been a nice wife but a terribly boring woman, but she also have loved him -or pretend that she loved him- for ten years. they have their good moments, everything else was pointless routine.

-yer right- mark said- we did each other a favor by divorcing.

-exactly, she lost the only part of herself that made her interesting and that part was you.

-that’s being too hard on her, im a nobody Simon.

-lies, you are mark motherfucking rentboy

-you know i hate that nickname

-i still love it. and by the way, i would be a fucking disaster if you and I got divorced…if we ever got married... a completely hypothetic situation its what im sayin- simon said, rushing his words at the end, trying to hide his nervous tone.

both looked at each other at the same time, the image glitching for a moment because the wifi at Simon’s house wasn’t that good, but they could sense the sudden tension that the comment had left because there wasn’t even a single tone of sarcasm in Simon’s voice, it was absolute and completely sincere.

-thanks, i suppose- Mark said, trying to clear the air- whatever, is done.

-is done- said Simon with a tone of sudden glee on him – so, _then this is home_ now?

Renton kept thinking about what the blonde had said just a few moments ago, how Simon behaved with him since Veronika left and the whole situation with Begbie had happened, how they had accommodated to each other so easily. Renton moved his things to the spare room without takin them out of the suitcase and one day he woke up to Simon putting Mark’s clothes on hangers and accommodating them on the closet of _his_ room, when Renton said he didn’t have to do that Simon said ‘’of course I have because ye lazy ass isn’t going to even if u live here until ye next heart attack’’ Mark just thanked him, and they never talk about it again.

They slept in the same bed too, Renton knew that the blonde had always been needy and cuddly even if he acted cold or detached in front of everyone else so when Simon reached for a hug Mark didn’t protest even if he knew that his arm would be numb in the morning.

Neither of them mentioned any of these things, they didn’t mention the daily breakfast together after Mark returned of running, the night routine of watching a new series on Netflix and how angry Mark got if Simon finished the season or an episode without him.

-are ye listening to me??????- simon asked exasperated, mouth full of chips again- ye seem to be more distracted than usual or is it the fucking sound of this shite?

-yes I’m listening Sick, it just has been a weird day okay. And yeah, Leith is home now. I had a job there so…

-aye, your exciting job it’s what keeps you here then?

Mark knew what he meant by that.

-ye know that’s not the only thing.

-so what is it then?

-ye know what.

simon just nodded with a small smile on his face even tho he was starting to feel angry and a little bit jealous? because Mark looked really sad in that hotel room, his eyebags were deeper and looked like he had been crying before they connected the videocall. he understood that a divorce could be difficult and blahblahblah but shit that woman wasn’t that amazing to Mark to feel sad about losing her, he thought he would be in the mood to throw a big party or something but when he least expected a tear started to show in the corner of Mark’s left eye. He got closer to the screen to see if it wasn’t just part of the glitches but no, Mark seemed to notice it and wiped the tear quickly.

-whatever, I should throw a fucking party rite? i’m a free man and that shite- he said, voice sounding completely fake.

-if you want to cry, you can- Simon said, quietly.

-what?? no, im fine its jus-

-a weird day- Simon finished

-a weird day, yes- Mark rested his head against the back of the bed, he was thankful for Simon being so supportive and decent for once, he didn’t knew what else to do or who else to talk to.

-rents…

-uhm?

-its not completely yer fault ye know? who the fuck wants kids these days? i mean i know that she wanted but ye didn’t, ye wouldn’t be happy and im pretty sure ye can…find…a- another woman who doesn’t--- want kids.- the blonde one struggled to say those words because he really wanted to say ‘’i don’t want kids and even if i wanted to i cant get ye pregnant so fuck it, we’ll buy a dog, i don’t hate dogs anymore’’ but also didn’t wanted to freak him out.

-i sometimes want kids, don’t know, it could be nice- said Mark dryly.

‘’fuck’s sake’’ simon thought but instead just said;

-then we can adopt…i mean yer next wife and yerself can adopt a wee- he composed quickly, stuffing his mouth with chips again trying to look casual.

Mark changed his position in bed quickly, alerted and confused.

-what did ye just said?

-that ye can adopt a child- simon said looking away from the screen.

-with you?

-no you cunt, im not good with kids, yer reminded me of that a little while ago don’t ya?

Renton dropped his gaze, it was a delicate thing to talk about, it will always be, even if Simon tried to shut it down like anything else that had traumatized him.

-im sorry i even said that Si-

-my point here is, yer life isn’t over just because a divorce Renton.

-i know that! its just like I said, was really that awful to be married to me? the no children thing was an issue, the biggest one, but there was another thing.

-you cheated?

-of course I cheated.

simon laughed and made a face faking being surprised.

-its not funny and its not like im proud of it, but that wasn’t the issue she never found out and it was only a couple times, one-night stands in pubs bathrooms. nothing else. it was just-that I kept having these depressive episodes. sometimes they lasted for weeks, at my best they just lasted a few days but she freaked out and that made feel worse of course, it remind me of when the abstinence ended and it was followed by that sinking fucking depression and i didn’t knew why i was feeling like that again. i guess I’m just wired up to have those episodes, i always been this way and always will.

simon was listening attentive and didn’t said anything when tears have started to gather against mark’s eyelashes, falling down his cheeks every time he blinked. simon understood what mark referred to.

-its not yer fault Mark, if she didn’t have depressive episodes well fuck it god bless her soul, but she could have been more supportive of it.

-she was, in her own way i guess, but i felt like a load.

-yer not a load.

-how are ye so sure?

-because i was with you when those crises happened. some days I had to feed you in the mouth mark, because you wouldn’t even sit down in bed. but i knew that wasn’t the whole you, i knew it was just a small part of yerself. ye were Rentboy, only a depressed one.

mark tried to smile but that just broke it down, he started to cry with relentless sobs, Simon’s heart was breaking at the sight of it, wish he could hold him and not just witnessing the whole thing through fucking skype.

-its okay rents, its fine- he said with tenderness.

mark remembered those days, when simon looked really worried at the sight of mark not leaving the flat for days and days, and yes Simon had to feed him in the mouth too many times, and giving him baths too. he never told anyone else in the group about it, when those days happened he only called mark’s mom to let him know that his son was still alive and simon was with him and he was taking care of the situation. ‘’it’s just like a grey cloud and its going to pass Mrs. Renton, not a thing to worry about’’ he said in his most charming and convincing voice.

the guilt that he have felt for years after he ran to Amsterdam hit him again, when simon needed him, the countless times he had needed him, mark had been in Amsterdam trying to fake a new life.

mark stopped crying, just a few quiet sobs now. he looked at the screen and saw that simon wasn’t crying but he had a worried look on his face.

-im sorry Simon, for everything.

-i already forgave ye Rents, just don’t do anything stupid tonight.

mark laughed between the sobs, a laugh that made simon smile too, seeing a glimpse of true contentment in mark’s eyes after all those tears.

-im not gonna kill myself jesus Simon.

-im in all my right to be afraid about that crossing yer mind Mark- his tone was more serious.

-i know, i know. but if I ever think about it I would tell ye. i don’t wanna go yet, we still have stuff to do- he emphasize the ‘’we’’ and looked at simon’s eyes, who just smiled and nodded in response.

they kept talking for an hour about other stuff, how Amsterdam was a sad place to be in, just a empty shelf of an empty promise twenty years ago. mark asked for room service and simon asked for pizza so they would have dinner together, online dinner.

-yer a fucking selfish cunt!- mark yelled at him when simon mentioned -by accident- the ending of a series they were watching.

-fuck, shit im sorry rents. i really tried to wait but fuck the ending was too shocking i mean we suspected of the fucking girlfriend rite? and i tought ‘’he should kill her’’ but then bam! she’s pregnant!

-shut uuuuuuup please- mark pleading kept being ignored.

-and that’s not the worse part Mark, the things she did oh my god I haven’t told ya that when her twin brother and her were younger she kil--

-shut the fuck up. just stop or I will shut down the fucking computer.

-im soooorryyyy

-you owe me a big one for this Simon.

-whatever ye want me to do babe- the blonde said suggestively, apparently he hadn’t noticed the tone or the words he had used because he just kept eating his pizza mindlessly while renton suddenly had a torrent of thoughts related to how to bring that up back at home and finally get to Simon to fuck him. They were always comments and flirting and the occasional excuses to leave the room to hide his erection when the blonde one walked around the house with just his boxers on, but simon haven’t made any first moves and that made mark anxious, maybe he didn’t like him that way anymore and it was all in his delusional head. or maybe simon was expecting that mark took the initiative this time.

  
-are ye listening to meeee???????- simon asked for the third time in the call. bringing renton back to reality

-yes, no, fuck, sorry what were ye saying?

the blonde one just grinned and laughed on the low.

-what is it mark? are ye thinkin about aaaall the things that we are gonna do now that yer a free man?

mark raised an eyebrow.

-maybe. so that’s why u haven’t touched me in all these months? because i wasn’t divorced?

-of course. i respect the holy institution of marriage Renton. i would never touch a marrie-

-oh shut the fuck up- mark said between laughs

-no but really, I mean now I know that you cheated on her, and that you fucked Veronika- he raised his voice on the last few words, making Mark look away- but I thought that if u saw her again ye two would talk things over and maybe got back together, that’s why I didn’t want to start a sexual thing with you again, because it would be more painfu…it would be more awkard watching you leave again back to your perfect heterosexual marriage.

-i wont leave again- he said- and i wont cheat on you.

-you better not. if u do, im throwin yer shite out of my house Mark and im being serious, you broke my heart once and I let you back again, theres not going to be another chance.

renton was still surprised at how open and explicit about his feeling Simon was being, but he was grateful for that. they were assholes in some stuff yet, they behaved like stupid teenagers in other things, but this seemed to be the one thing in which they would no be room for fucking it up.

-and you Simon? if you cheat on me, you gotta tell me so I can leave with some dignity.

-i wont cheat on you.

-how do you know?

-i just do. and since you got here i watch other people passing by or at the pub and they provoke nothing in me. its not the same anymore. and…well I don’t want to get cheesy and dramatic over skype so we will talk about it when yer here kay?- he said

-yer dramatic everywhere Simon.

-of course im dramatic, you love that.

It was 2am when they ended the call. they had been talking for five or six hours. mark took a shower and when he looked at the mirror he put all his attention on the thin wrinkles round his eyes and his mouth. how her eye bags made him look more older and tired. he started to think in circles about how simon wasn’t going to go after a younger person, man or woman, if Mark looked like _that_ , how simon was going to chose him _even_ when his depressive episodes started, cus he knew they would. it was just a matter of time.

he turned off the bathroom light and went to bed, his mind was a turmoil. maybe Simon wouldn’t left him because of how he looked, but because of the depression issue. yeah, he had taking care of him when they were young but sooner or later he could get tired of the same behavior repeating over and over again. he was so anxious that he felt like crying again and knew that sleep wasn’t an option, in Amsterdam he always had insomnia, not a single night he hadn’t, with or without invasive thoughts.

he looked at the time on his cellphone 3:55am, sended a message to simon ‘’still awake?’’ he figured that he may not and throw the phone over the other side of the bed.

a notification sound came five minutes later.

‘’are you kay?’’ it read ‘’turn on yr laptop again’’ said the other message.

mark did it and just sended an ‘’?’’ and simon answered with just a ‘’skype’’ text.

-you really don’t get tired of seein me right?- mark said, trying to sound casual.

-what’s wrong?- simon cut to the chase

-nothing, just can’t sleep. i never sleep in this fucking city and i have too much in my mind, besides i don’t like sleeping alone anymore. too many years sharing a bed.

both of their faces were only illuminated by the screens, Simon just nodded and accommodated the laptop on Mark’s side of the bed.

-let’s leave the call on. if u want to talk im here.

-no, I don’t want to be a loa-

-yer not a load rents. just talk if u need to kay? we’ve been thru worse sleepless nights that included worse scenarios than a comfy bed and a computer.

-rite, thank u Si.

-if yer talking and i don’t answer scream at me, i may have fallen asleep but theres no problem if u awake me.

-thank you, really- mark felt so warm by simon actions that it make him want to cry again but he contained.

-goodnight rents.

-goodnight sicks.

he fell asleep half an hour later. next morning he was surprised when he noticed that the call was still on but Simon have moved the laptop to the kitchen table, was watching something on tv while eating cheerios. Mark smiled fondly to the image.

-you snore incredibly loud Renton, i was just about to scream at you i swear- the blonde said when he noticed that mark was awake.

-your face looks ugly when you sleep- mark said in the middle of a yawn, sitting on the bed slowly.

-shut the fuck up no one looks good when they are asleep.

-i do.

-no, not even you. shut up.

-good morning by the way.

they were smiling at each other, tired eyes but gleaming with familiarity and comfort.

-good morning Rents. order some breakfast, take a shower. and come home- simon said and with that, he ended the call.

so mark left amsterdam for good and forever, when he was leaving it reminded him about the euphoria he felt when he left Leith twenty years ago (minus the stolen money and the broken hearts) the whole flight passed quickly with Simon’s voice saying ‘’come home’’ echoing in his mind like the most beautiful song he ever heard.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading :) i appreciate any comments. stay safe.
> 
> title is from the song of the strokes. it suits mark/simon very well imo.


End file.
